It was a Tuesday afternoon when Fernando arrived in his hometown from overseas. His new house was more like a mansion, near the Presidente Dutra Avenue, an upscale neighborhood in Feira de Santana. He had gone abroad for a while, got his doctorate degree there and had made tons of money as the result of a lot of hard work. Now he was back in town. At first, he bought everything he thought he should, the mansion, a farm, two cars and a summerhouse in Madre de Deus to enjoy balmy days by the beach, and escaping from everyone and everything whenever he felt like. Howsoever, all of those things did not make him wake up with a certain gaiety in the morning; that, by the way, was a habit he never changed; he had always woken up early in the morning. First week in Feira and he could acquaint himself with the cool slang terms of the moment, he could catch up with his old friends and could have a nice time with his family that would treat him as a kingat that moment, but never was able to overcome his sexuality. At present, their speech was different, his cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters, brother would come up to him and say, “Youwon’t marry, right? Marriage brings lots of problems.”
His mother once had the audacity to say, “You don’t need a woman, my son, you already have everything you’ve ever wanted. You just need to donate a certain amount to church every month, and show up there whenever you feel like; you know that everybody there loves and looks up to you, eh?” Fernando knew very well what they used to love: money. So now, they would love him, because he possessed plenty of it. He started to think that money couldn’t buy everything, indeed. None of the stuff he had gotten was able to fill the void inside of him. After a while, he perceived the paradox: he was more alone than never, except for Sarah, his old friend that would check in with him every day. Deep down he knew what he was missing, and that was Diego. Fernando had heard that he was a Literature teacher in town, a good one, and was currently single. Fernando remembered when they split up for the last time before he left Brazil, Diego had said he wasn’t one for relationships, though casual or random relationships (whatever that might be) was more like his kind of thing.
The new life and routine was not hard to get used to. He just minded the weather, it was uncommonly hot in Feira de Santana and he just wished he could understand why. Some time went by in this new phase of his life and he continued to wake up chagrined early in the morning, there were days he wished he hadn’t woken up at all. So one of those days, when he woke up vexed, feeling an emotional mess inside, he decided to get ahold of Diego, he got his e-mail address from Sarah, since Diego had changed his phone number and e-mail address and he did not have any kind of social media anymore (he had become someone anti-social, come to that), it was hard to be in touch with him. Fernando then wrote a very explanatory e-mail, putting his heart out, telling him, amongst other things, that he was back in Feira and wished to see him immensely, he indeed had written the word immensely, and after sending the e-mail, he thought that that was a really bad word choice. The reply came within a few minutes; Fernando knew that Diego was still an e-mail person; he was the one who would know Diego better than anyone else would.
They finally got the chance to meet up, it took place at Diego’s favorite restaurant, Los Pampas, and they conversed about life and the relationships they had during the last few years they were apart. Diego really seemed eager in seeing him, and it was mutual, because Fernando could not stop staring at him. After dinner, Fernando invited Diego to visit his place; it was near the restaurant anyway, it wouldn’t take too long. Diego said he had to work early next morning and that reminded Fernando of the proposal he wanted to make. Then, he let him know that there was a proposal coming up; however, he would tell him on one condition, provided he went to visit his place. Diego was curious and agreed, so they left the restaurant after splitting up the bill.
Once there, Fernando showed him all around, including his bedroom, which was aspecial place, and demanded a special occasion. Whilst showing Diego his bedroom, Fernando brought up the proposal again. Diego was all ears eyeing him warily; he went there on that account after all. Fernando told him that he wanted to buy him. “You’re gonna sell me your diploma, your job, your body, your soul, your mind, and your life. Putting it differently, you’re gonna be mine.” It seemed to have astounded Diego, and deep within he knew that what Fernando had said was true, he did not know why, but he knew it was true. Fernando was trembling, and could not disguise it, he’d realized that Diego was analyzing him, and inly he wished he could read his mind. Fernando thought that Diego might have found the whole thing a colossal craziness, completely mental.“I know that you’re not playing around with me, but honestly, I need some time to think about it, even though it sounds utterly mental to me.” After saying that, Diego left Fernando’s house and the latter felt as though a gargantuan wave had hit him, and now he was trying to get oriented again.
A week went by, no e-mail, no phone call, Fernando was waiting anxiously. After the second week he could not control his urges well respecting the response. He knew since the beginning, when the idea popped up in his mind, that it would be a tough call for Diego. Fernando would also think that that was the worst proposal he could ever come up with, it was indeed mental he would concord. The intention of the proposal was to possess Diego, as one of the other things he bought when he came back to Feira. Diego would not work anymore, would not visit his family, unless Fernando allowed him to do so, he would, in other words, belong to Fernando and live off his expanses. The time Fernando lived overseas brought him someone to love, a relationship that would have an expiry date he used to believe. Howbeit, he never truly loved this one man, it was positive and intense while it was transpiring, and Fernando believed that Diego was the one to whom his heart belonged. Fernando would also spend a long time awake during the night (when he wouldn’t sleep fitfully) thinking about how Diego was used to seeing the world. Fernando thought of how ephemeral things were; relationships in which people hook up with everybody and don’t get to know anyone for real. It was all about carnality, and that was the problem with the gay community Fernando would think: people treat each other like a piece of meat, it doesn’t apply to every situation, he’d admit, but still.Furthermore, Fernando was conscious that Diego was the one on that side of the game. Thusly, lost in his night’s musings, Fernando was aware that sex for sex was what Diego believed he was linked to. Having a nonstop sexual life with a bunch of different partners was what Diego used to do in the past after breaking up with Fernando.As to the dumpee, Fernando, he was determined and he would not give up on the Literature teacher.
A month and a half later Diego’s e-mail finally hit Fernando’s inbox. It read:
Dear Fernando,
His mother once had the audacity to say, “You don’t need a woman, my son, you already have everything you’ve ever wanted. You just need to donate a certain amount to church every month, and show up there whenever you feel like; you know that everybody there loves and looks up to you, eh?” Fernando knew very well what they used to love: money. So now, they would love him, because he possessed plenty of it. He started to think that money couldn’t buy everything, indeed. None of the stuff he had gotten was able to fill the void inside of him. After a while, he perceived the paradox: he was more alone than never, except for Sarah, his old friend that would check in with him every day. Deep down he knew what he was missing, and that was Diego. Fernando had heard that he was a Literature teacher in town, a good one, and was currently single. Fernando remembered when they split up for the last time before he left Brazil, Diego had said he wasn’t one for relationships, though casual or random relationships (whatever that might be) was more like his kind of thing.
The new life and routine was not hard to get used to. He just minded the weather, it was uncommonly hot in Feira de Santana and he just wished he could understand why. Some time went by in this new phase of his life and he continued to wake up chagrined early in the morning, there were days he wished he hadn’t woken up at all. So one of those days, when he woke up vexed, feeling an emotional mess inside, he decided to get ahold of Diego, he got his e-mail address from Sarah, since Diego had changed his phone number and e-mail address and he did not have any kind of social media anymore (he had become someone anti-social, come to that), it was hard to be in touch with him. Fernando then wrote a very explanatory e-mail, putting his heart out, telling him, amongst other things, that he was back in Feira and wished to see him immensely, he indeed had written the word immensely, and after sending the e-mail, he thought that that was a really bad word choice. The reply came within a few minutes; Fernando knew that Diego was still an e-mail person; he was the one who would know Diego better than anyone else would.
----------
Once there, Fernando showed him all around, including his bedroom, which was aspecial place, and demanded a special occasion. Whilst showing Diego his bedroom, Fernando brought up the proposal again. Diego was all ears eyeing him warily; he went there on that account after all. Fernando told him that he wanted to buy him. “You’re gonna sell me your diploma, your job, your body, your soul, your mind, and your life. Putting it differently, you’re gonna be mine.” It seemed to have astounded Diego, and deep within he knew that what Fernando had said was true, he did not know why, but he knew it was true. Fernando was trembling, and could not disguise it, he’d realized that Diego was analyzing him, and inly he wished he could read his mind. Fernando thought that Diego might have found the whole thing a colossal craziness, completely mental.“I know that you’re not playing around with me, but honestly, I need some time to think about it, even though it sounds utterly mental to me.” After saying that, Diego left Fernando’s house and the latter felt as though a gargantuan wave had hit him, and now he was trying to get oriented again.
A week went by, no e-mail, no phone call, Fernando was waiting anxiously. After the second week he could not control his urges well respecting the response. He knew since the beginning, when the idea popped up in his mind, that it would be a tough call for Diego. Fernando would also think that that was the worst proposal he could ever come up with, it was indeed mental he would concord. The intention of the proposal was to possess Diego, as one of the other things he bought when he came back to Feira. Diego would not work anymore, would not visit his family, unless Fernando allowed him to do so, he would, in other words, belong to Fernando and live off his expanses. The time Fernando lived overseas brought him someone to love, a relationship that would have an expiry date he used to believe. Howbeit, he never truly loved this one man, it was positive and intense while it was transpiring, and Fernando believed that Diego was the one to whom his heart belonged. Fernando would also spend a long time awake during the night (when he wouldn’t sleep fitfully) thinking about how Diego was used to seeing the world. Fernando thought of how ephemeral things were; relationships in which people hook up with everybody and don’t get to know anyone for real. It was all about carnality, and that was the problem with the gay community Fernando would think: people treat each other like a piece of meat, it doesn’t apply to every situation, he’d admit, but still.Furthermore, Fernando was conscious that Diego was the one on that side of the game. Thusly, lost in his night’s musings, Fernando was aware that sex for sex was what Diego believed he was linked to. Having a nonstop sexual life with a bunch of different partners was what Diego used to do in the past after breaking up with Fernando.As to the dumpee, Fernando, he was determined and he would not give up on the Literature teacher.
A month and a half later Diego’s e-mail finally hit Fernando’s inbox. It read:
Dear Fernando,
I hope this e-mail finds you well. I’m emailing you concerning your proposal. I’ll be blunt: I cannot be in this kind of relationship, because my love is not up for negotiation. What we lived was beautiful, it resulted in a great set of fond memories that I every so often go back to. I deeply wanted and tried to change myself, to be a monogamist, I wish I could change, although it is infeasible. I hope that that proposal of yours was your last attempt to have me.
Adieu,
Diego.
Inwardly, Fernando thought that some things were not meant to be, and off he went.
Finis
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